Sunday, September 1, 2013

Week 8 EOC: Phileas Fogg Adventure

On my 80-day trip to drink alcohol from every country, I kept hearing rumors of a potent drink known to Chinese locals as Baijiu. I made a point to visit China immediately. Upon arriving in China, I was eager to indulge myself in the liquor known as the “white wine”. After tying up my air balloon, I quickly walked into the nearest watering hole. As I asked the barkeep for Baijiu, he simply laughed and served me water. I then politely returned the glass of water and made sure to clarify what it was that I desired. Noticing the obvious language barrier, I made sure to order the drink speaking slowly and loudly. The bartender snapped at me and said, “You fool, I speak English!” Feeling foolish, I apologized and extended my hand sincerely. The bartender then exclaimed, “You are not worthy of tasting the “white spirit”. He continued to explain that in order for me to be worthy of sipping the legendary Baijiu, I must first defeat the “Brotherhood of Baijiu” in a dangerous tournament. Never one to back down from a challenge, I eagerly accepted the terms of my fate. The “Baijiu Brotherhood” was made up of local bartenders and farmers who created the drink. This dangerous tournament consisted of a six round bracket of a deadly game known as “Chinese Checkers”! Simply known to the locals as “checkers”. I prepared for this tourney unaware of the dangers involved. Turns out, the “Brotherhood of Baijiu” was not that good at checkers as they made it seem. Probably because they were all hopped up on their own stuff. I was determined to join them! After walking through this challenge, I planned to stumble out of this establishment. The delightful barkeep served me a shot of the “white wine” explaining that one shot would be all I needed. As I lifted the shot glass, the bartender wished me a good night. Not realizing what he meant, I took the shot straight. Feeling the immediate effects, I was visited by a white, and somewhat intoxicated dragon. Baijiu, as he introduced himself, offered to take me out to party as I was finally deemed worthy of his presence. We ended up in a massage parlor with many beautiful, well-endowed women. All I can remember is waking up with my head in a bowl filled with crushed fortune cookies and ripped pieces of fortunes reading, “Fortune Nookies”.